fatigue

Suffering from a little writing fatigue and log confusion. "Logfatigue"? One weblog, one personal page/partial log, and one dead tree log. The dead tree version was the first. It started in concert with my wife's purchase of a new book to write in. I followed suite to see how I would fare trying to record everyday events.

It turns out that I have really had fun with the dead tree version. One very pleasant side effect is the fact tat I have a far better memory assisted than not. Side note: my memory is poor. Compared to my wife's, I have practically no memory whatsoever- at least when it comes to the detailed recollection of events. In addition, she is able to spin a story out of almost any event- even small ones- with details and asides that make it allvery interesting. In contrast, I tend to tell a small peice of the story without embellishment or even much basic detail. What is a page of interesting narrative from my wife becomes two bland sentences from me. I think that's partly why I joined her in writing a dead tree journal. I wanted (want) to tell an interesting story too- even if it's to no one but myself.

Anyway, we have not only the hand written log, but the blogspot one- a natural continuation. But I don't have the time- strike that, don't have the patience to sit down and compose. I also don't have the story to tell. Maybe I should say that I don't have a story that I feel I want to tell. Then again, the same lack of detailing that suffer from "telling" stories seems to afflict me while writing them.

To continue... I also have my webpage on a friends server. It's the least interesting from a narritive point of view bacause I don't particularly feel like blowing hot air at people I know- I'd rather waste the time of strangers.
I'm only half joking- it's easier to spout what might be nonsense or partly sensical material to strangers than it is to speak up near those whome you know- well, that's only partly true. In this case, the spoken word tends to be a bit easier than the written word. Maybe I don't wan to risk sounding pompous when I write something- there's a lot of that and I'm not sure how to tell if and when I'm doing that.
Anyway... the page also serves as a learning place for programattic web development and as a repository for notes and ideas that I'm trying to learn about.

What ever the reasons are, I have three outlets: dead trees, blogspot, page. The last two are a little vain in nature. The last is the most difficult to use because it's the least anonymous. These three outlets are sometimes a little too much- I'd like to be able to keep all these things organized and centralized, but I can't- considering the different reasons for being that each outlet has.

I'm envious of my wife's narritive skills/talent, but I'm also pretty darn envious of her sharing. In the last entry that I've read of her'(from august 3rd(last one of her's as of this writing)) she articulates her strong emotional reactions to the condition of my grandfather; something which I have not been able to do- or I should say have not wanted to do. It's not the kind of thing I'm interested in sharing. Yet, I do wish I had either the skill or the desire to do what she does.

What I can do, if I put my mind to it, is explain something or give an idea. Unfortunately, I don't tend to add an emotive element to it, so I end up sounding like an old fuddy-duddy professor in tweed writing on the blackboard in front of a disinterested audience. Where's the excitement in that? Where's the magic umph that gets a person to think? Well, it'still fun to do this, but it kinda sucks, the limitations.... phooy.